My “horrible” anniversary just passed. Each year my new year starts the day after this anniversary as surely as we as a community celebrate the new year on 1st January. On the anniversary of his loss this year, I just gave over to my body and let it decide what to do. I got up when I wanted, cried when I wanted, laughed, joked with my kids, and ate. I made myself the most beautifully nourishing, healthy soup. Plus I ate the fried chicken my son made for us. And despite commitment to my new healthier eating regime, I sent my other son out for a sweet treat.
I read poetry about grief and love and these pieces resonated with me.
From W.H. Auden’s Funeral Blues:
“On Those Days” by Donna Ashworth
And this reminded me to think of love, not loss
And from Maya Angelous, an excerpt from When Great Trees Fall
We live here in peace times, not in times in the past where young people died is such numbers through illness in childhood and soldiers in wars. So losing my husband to the actions of a drunk driver when we were in our early thirties was never something I imagined when in our twenties we fell in love. By loving with all our hearts in the present, and not being concerned about the future, we become community with others–we are not alone. As parents we know that as soon as our babes come to us, we know that our sunshine can be taken away. But usually it isn’t, for a long, long time. We risk everything in us for love.
So if you grieve, here are some prompts you can use to explore and process your feelings. Use them to write journal entries, poetry, or even to explore within your works-in-progress. These come from The Grief Recovery Center:. Find a quiet spot, light a candle, and gather your favourite pen and notebook. But if you prefer to write using your computer or laptop, do that. You can do one a day, or just one!
- Today, I’m having a hard time with…
- One thing I want to remember about them is…
- Describe a memory with your loved one that makes you laugh.
- Describe a memory with your loved one that makes you cry.
- Describe a favourite holiday?
- Keep a running list of activities you can turn to in order to feel better.
- Today, I miss…
- I need more of…
- I need less of…
- One feeling I’ve felt coming up a lot lately is…
- Write about where you feel your grief in your body. Where does your grief stay?
- Where does your mind go when you let it wander?
- What is one thing you could try to make today easier on yourself?
- What is something that makes you feel taken care of?
- Do you feel comfortable asking for help? Why or why not?
- I feel most connected to my loved one when…
- If I could forgive them for something, it would be…
- If I could forgive myself for something, it would be…
- Write about a time you got along well with your loved one.
- Write about a time you had difficulty getting along with your loved one.
- If you could tell your loved one about your day, what would you tell them?
Pushing Through Discomfort to Support Those in Grief
And if you want to support someone who is grieving–just BE THERE. I thank my friend, Christy Holt, my colleague in sisterhood through the Love Your Vibe Transformation group. Christy is a fellow facilitator of this mindset improvement program, a personal development SOULution where we learn tools so we can create heaven on Earth. I am so grateful she was able to just be there when I was too overwhelmed to even speak.
Those who you seek to support often need these simple things which prove they are not alone. They need you not to try to interrupt or be afraid of their sadness, or to say, as someone has said to me after the first anniversary, “it’s been a year–get over it.” Just your kindness. Your presence. The quiet of holding space is so powerful!
A Free Workshop for Those Who Grieve
To others who grieve, what helps you?
What’s Your Story of grief?
I invite you to join me on Saturday, 10th August 2024 at 11 am EST for a free, 90-minute workshop where we will use creative writing to explore and heal. To get more information and to register, CLICK HERE or email akosua@whatsyourstoryauthorservices.com.